This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 35; the thirty-fifth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. The theme for the month is “…and the world was silent again”
Disclaimer – Strictly FICTION!! – Finally my 10th post in BAT.I wrote my first BAT post on 5th December 2009 and it took me 3 yrs to write 10 posts!! 😀
It was the beginning of the 1st Sem of M.Tech. Life was not different at College of Engineering, Pune.I continued from where I stopped in B.Tech .I belonged to the league of spoiled brats. Infact, it was disgraceful to be tagged as a scamp amongst a group of 70.It was ironic that despite being called so, some groups of beautiful lasses found me attractive and called me an adorable rogue. Truth is always bitter, but sometimes my heart fails to accept the different smutty adjectives bestowed upon me. Human heart is bound by feelings and emotions. It hurts at times when you are subjected to such things. Owing to this, the beautiful damsels of my class never spoke much to me. People entered my life and left. Few things can’t be said, but people failed to identify the storm within me. I had been nursing a broken heart. I never had any intimate friends with whom I could share my sorrows. There were few groups of voracious men whose company I cherished. They eyed my wealth, I eyed their friendship. But it did hurt me when they prioritized my money. Such ravenous men irk me. Solitude snatched the happiness in my life. I often walk alone along the veranda in pursuit of peace and lost happiness, listening to Radio. I sit at the corner section of the library where people never went. Some say that I was turning into a loner. I never cared for what the world said. But for me, it was the place where I found peace, the place where I met my first love. Yes, I fell in love with a beautiful woman. How could I forget her?
Those days I was never the same. Life was full of happiness. I was boisterous young man of 21,a brilliant student studying in 3rd Sem at COE, Pune. The day I turned Twenty One, I decided to throw a big party to all my classmates. I distributed sweets and tried to make everyone happy. I spend all my pocket money to make my birthday grand. My doting parents could never say no to any of my demands. They decided to make my birthday special and I became a proud owner of an Audi A4.The class was festooned with colourful balloons and glitter papers. Everyone sang the birthday song for me and everyone wished and greeted me. That was the day when I saw her for the first time. She looked nervous and muddled as she entered the classroom. She witnessed something unusual and preferred to remain silent. She was tall – about 5’6”, wheatish and had a slender body. Her long straight hair was neatly braided with a middle partition. Her angelic and seraphic eyes hid the eternal universes behind. Her arched charcoal dark brows looked like the bow of an archer ready to wound many hearts. Her nose, haughty and long made her look magnificent. She had a perfect lips, blood red in color.Her entire face was alluring. It was her first lecture. Nervousness had muffled her smile. I was damn sure that this pretty girl would be more beautiful if she smiled a bit. I was anticipating a smile from her and of course a wish – a birthday wish. I stifled a smile when few of my friends’ cracked funny jokes. I gazed at the new entrant to our class. Everyone was busy engrossed in their other activities, while few of them were gorging on the delicious puff rolls which I gave them. The studious lot of the class were busy writing their daily assignments. She sat at a vacant seat on the first row. I was wondering why she never spoke. A chubby girl, my close friend greeted her. That was the perfect moment when she smiled. I saw her smile and realized that I had got the best birthday gift of my life. She introduced herself as ‘Muskan’. I keenly observed her as she uttered her name. I was not surprised when her parents named her. They must have been beguiled by the lovely smile of their daughter.
“Guys, Lets welcome the gorgeous Muskan,” The same chubby girl Dimpy introduced her to the class.
The entire class gathered at her desk to welcome her. I stood there admiring her smile. I could infact request her to keep smiling like that. The same day I had visited the Library to collect my library card. I saw huge stacks of books neatly arranged and organised in the book shelves. I randomly picked up a book from one of the shelf. “Discrete Structure” I read.
I scanned the entire lobby in search of a vacant seat. I got a glimpse of Muskan once again. She was seated at the corner in complete isolation. She held her hair loose which in turn kissed the table top. I sat in front of her and looked at her as she was completing her notes. I observed that she was wearing a dark red polish on her nails.
“Hi Muskan,” I greeted her.
“Hey Birthday boy!” she smiled at me. As she smiled, a new feeling of hope and happiness aroused in me. Her radiant smile gave me the ultimate joy of my life. I smiled back at her.
“So what’s the plan for the day birthday boy?” she said as we exchanged smiles.
“Nothing …Planning to throw parties to my friends,”
“Well, if you don’t mind, Could you join me for a coffee?” I asked her. I knew it was inappropriate to ask a girl out for the first time when you meet.
“I will certainly…,” she said as I saw her tresses striving hard to reach her eyes. Even they didn’t want her to focus on her studies.
“..But not now. Lots of writings to be done and it’s not good to go out for a coffee with a guy whom I don’t know,” she winked.
“Oh … by the way I am Nikhil,” I said.
“So Nikhil. I am sorry. I can’t come with you,” she blatantly refused.
“But you should be spending your day with your loved ones,” she said with an unwarranted placidity to which I exhibited a frown.
I wish I could tell her that she could be that ‘loved’ one in my life. I wanted to befriend Muskan but I had already messed up. All I did was to be good to her. That night I could not stop thinking about her. Did I fall for her or for her smile? I knew it was affection but I could never stop thinking about her.
The next morning I got up and after completing my daily morning rituals of bathing, shaving and breakfast, I headed for college. I was dressed in a dapper outfit, dashing enough to impress girls. I entered the class ceremoniously at sharp 9 am and all eyes were glued on me .I could understand that they were not used to this, but sometimes things could change drastically. I sat on the 2nd bench and a few more pair of bemused eyes looked at me. Maybe they had never seen me seated at the 2nd row. I wished they would stop embarrassing me. The lecture started and I was waiting to get a glimpse of Muskan.
“May I come in Sir,” I heard a soft voice. I looked at the door and saw Muskan. She was wearing a colourful Kurti. I kept staring at her as she walked towards me. She sat beside me. Days passed and I got close to her. We both used to study and hang out together. There was a drastic change in my behaviour as Muskan entered my life. People couldn’t digest this change . I soon started loving her company. Her presence made me feel good. During this span of time, I got to know her more – her likes, dislikes and every damn thing. She shared her secrets with me. We became good friends and the good changed to best. I knew that I had fallen for her. We both were at the library completing our OS assignments. I sat next to her.
“Can I ask you something?” I said. I liked her but I never knew if the feelings were mutual. Although we were close, I had a constant fear of losing her. I wanted to embrace her and lock her in my heart.
“Sure,” she replied.
“I should admit that life is never the same as before. I could divide my life into two parts – before you and after you. Things have totally changed since you entered my life,” I said.
“Every time I look at you, I love the way you smile at me. I love the way you do things. I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” I continued.
“Even the birds warbling everyday would like to see us together. If they could speak, they would give you the testimony of my love for you. I am losing myself to you. I am in love Muskan. I love you Muskan. Do you love me?” I asked her with fingers crossed.
There was a deafening silence for 5 minutes. She didn’t look at my eyes. Her silence killed me as every seconds passed. I wanted to know what was running in her mind. I was waiting for her reply. She refused to look at me. Over thousand questions ran through my mind.
“Muskan,” I said. I looked straight into her eyes. I didn’t know how to react. She finally broke her silence with a smile. Yes, she smiled at me. I could feel butterflies fluttering in my stomach as she smiled at me.
“Yes,” she replied me. My heart skipped a beat as I heard the yes from her. I couldn’t express my feelings. My happiness grew no bounds.
“I am always yours Nikhil and will never leave you,” she promised me. We had completely surrendered to the divine master called ‘Love’. I looked at her eyes and she looked at mine. Our lips locked, she smiled and I smiled back at her. We started hanging out together. We used to go out for movies and shopping. There was no worldly power that could separate us. We were made for each other, always together. I gave her everything which could make her happy. I was ascertain that I could do anything and everything for her happiness. Our 3rd SEM got over and our vacations started. I left for Delhi to meet my maternal grandparents. Muskan was at Amritsar during those days and we used to communicate through cell phone. Our vacations soon got over and I was back to Pune for my 4th Sem. Weeks passed but there was no news from Muskan. I tried contacting her several times but all my attempts were futile. I was worried for once. I wish I could tell her that she had topped in the 3rdSem. That would be great news for her. She was brilliant at studies. Her insatiable thirst for excellence was the main reason for her success. I was extremely happy for her. Months passed and she never came back. I started missing her badly.
I wanted to talk to her badly but I didn’t know how. I still remember that day. It was the 4thof April. We were strolling at the College campus. I saw a bike racing towards the gate. A rugged faced man sporting a four day old stubble, was riding the bike. He had a perfect build and wore Aviator sunglasses. He was looking smart in his check shirts and Cotton Trousers. He wore the Infosys ID card. I saw that a woman was seated behind him. She wore a Red Kurti, embroidered with different colourful designs. When he stopped the bike, I got the biggest shock of my life. It was Muskan in a totally new avatar. She wore a red sindoor on her head. A red bindi graced her look. She looked matured like a woman although she was 19. I remained stunned for a moment when I saw the ‘mangal-sutra’ on her neck. I stood there cursing my fate as I saw our eyes met once again. This time she refused to acknowledge my glance. She exhibited a straight face as her husband bid her good bye. She bid him bye and left for the class. I stood there as she walked .I was heartbroken. She looked behind and I witnessed the silent tears rolling down her cheeks. I wish I could wipe her tears for she was once the girl who meant everything to me. I wish I could talk to her but I could not muster enough courage for I had the fear of breaking down in front of her. How could she do that? I was jinxed. My feeling for her was indeed true and my heart was fragile enough to see her with a different man. May be I wasn’t lucky enough to cherish the purest form of love .She was never meant for me.
And the world was silent when they saw this. Everyone knew how close we were. But within matter of time, things changed. I left for the Linux lecture. I purposely refrained from any kind of eye contacts with her. I decided to avoid her. I had to do this for her good. She was not mine but sometimes I feel upset when I look back at how life had veered in recent few months. I sat on the last bench, the same bench where I used to sit before Muskan entered my life. She showed me a dream of happiness and my feelings for her was nipped in the bud. We soon turned into known strangers. Every time I looked her, her eyes suggested me that she had something to say. She seemed gloomy and unsociable. Every time I passed by her side, I could see tears in her eyes. I had a strong intuition that she wanted to talk to me. How could I hate her? All that I desired was to see a smile on her face. It was that million dollar smile which made me fall for her. How could I tell her that I was not strong? For someone who showed me dreams of togetherness, how could I forsake her?
That day I decided to talk to her. I hunted her at the classroom but I couldn’t find her. I rushed to the library as I knew that it was the same place where she sought happiness. It was the same corner where I sought solace.
“I don’t want you to cry,” I sat next to her. I saw that she couldn’t face me. She was helpless but I wanted to tell her few things.
“I observe intense hurt and pain that resides in your eyes. This isn’t pleasing as I am not used to seeing all this,” I continued.
“I hate to see tears invading your face. Will you please smile for me?” I paused.
She looked at me. Tears welled in her eyes. I asked her to wipe the tears.
“If not me, at least for the beautiful face that you have. People here are not used to see you like this Muskan”.
She gave me an animated smile. “I am sorry Nikhil,” she said and cried again.
“You don’t have to be sorry,” I riposted.
“Destiny didn’t want us together. You or me are not responsible for this,” I smiled.
She informed me that her father had seen us romancing at a nearby garden. I was shocked when I heard this from her. Her entire family cursed her that day. Poor thing had to suffer because of me. They decided to get her married at their hometown. She got married to a Software Engineer, senior to her by 8 years. I was stunned to know that she had sacrificed me for her family. She had compromised her love for her family. Any girl would do that. Muskan was just traditional girl who belonged to a middle class background.
“How is he?,” I asked her, although I didn’t want to.
“He is good. But I don’t interact much with him,”
“Why so?” I curiously asked her.
“I am trying to overcome this thing. I can’t think of any other man in my life. I have just done this for my family and their happiness,” she retorted.
We were completing our submission stuff and lately noticed that it was already 9 pm. It was late for her.
“Come, I will drop you home,” I said her. “No. It’s okay. I will take an auto,” she replied.
“That’s sad..I just asked you as a friend,” I responded.
“Okay. Let’s go,” she said and sat on my bike. It was after months that she was riding with me.
As I was riding, I observed that it had started raining heavily. We reached her home in 45 minutes. By then we both were completely drenched.
“Okay I am going,” I said and bid her bye.
“Nikhil, wait,” She said. “What?”
“You are wet. I don’t want you to fall sick..and I care for you …Okay,” She said.
“Come inside,” she added.
“What will your husband think of me?,” I said to her.
“Let him think whatever he wants. You are important for me ,”
“..and more ever he is onsite,”
“Onsite?”I asked her. “I mean some company assignments and he left for New York today evening,” She answered me. She lived at Pimpri Saudagar. Her house was spacious with 3 rooms, tiled in Granite marbles. It had a huge veranda from where you could get a view of the garden.
I stood there at the veranda as the clock struck 10. She gave me Gautam’s shorts and t-shirt. I thoroughly dried my hair with the towel that she gave me. We both had dinner together. This time it was a different feeling. I ate Aloo Paratha’s and Chole. I praised her culinary skills to which she blushed. She was wearing a blue colour saree.
“You know …I was afraid of facing you,” she said. Her smile was lost.
“I am sorry Nikhil,” she apologised.
“Can I ask you something?” I asked her. “Yes “
“Do you still love me?” I asked. It rekindled my old memories which reminded of the day I proposed her. There was deafening silence once again although I never expected a yes.
“Yes,”she said. My heart skipped a beat. I went close to her. I held my arms around my shoulder and asked her once again.
“Yes… I do love you,” she said with a straight face. This time there were no tears on her eyes. I was so close to her that I could feel her breathe. I jabbed my lips over hers. With slight hesitation, she refused to acknowledge my kiss. I kissed her once again and this time she responded. I could feel her heart beats as our lips touched. We both passionately kissed each other for few minutes. It reminded me of our first kiss. How could I forget it? I undraped her saree and witnessed her blue blouse and her petticoat. She closed her eyes as I unlaced her blouse. For once I had completely undressed her. She lay on the bed completely naked just like a new born baby. I caressed her soft alluring skin as I kissed her again. My fingers stroked her hair as I explored her back. It was then I decided to explore her whole body. I kissed her everywhere, on every part of her body. I ran the tip of my index finger along the length of her body, through her spine and then through her thighs and then through her feet. Her soft breasts, firm and round was full of secret energy ready explode anytime. I enfolded her slender body as I kissed her delicate lips once again. Infact her lips were the best part of her body. They were inviting. It was a perfect moment of bliss when her succulent bare bosom kissed my chest as she humped over me. I could feel the sudden gush of blood on her veins. With a swift movement, we swirled our body. She moaned as our body brushed against each other. I nuzzled her nose and embraced her. I kissed her on her eyes and felt the tears pouring from her eyes.
“Muskan…” I said.
“Even the Gods won’t forgive me for what I have done,” she looked sad.
“You have nothing to worry,” I said as we lied naked on the bed. It was the night to remember. The next morning when I woke up, she greeted me with a smile. It was the same smile which took my breath away. She returned back my notebook which she had borrowed from me. But somehow I thought that she had faked her smile. I left for my home at morning 6.
I never saw Muskan again for days. One week later, I got the news about Muskan’s death. I was shocked at first. I couldn’t believe it. That night I cried like anything. I had lost a part of myself. I had lost my love. Disturbed, I sat on the couch staring at the notebook that she gave me. I browsed through the pages and found a letter on it.
“Nikhil…”I read.
“Some say that love stories never exist. But I somehow feel that love stories do exist just that it didn’t happen in our case. I always loved you and wanted to live with you. You showed me dreams and I can’t tell you how happy I was with you. Sadly our dreams could never materialize. You loved me and I promised you to be together with you in the journey of life. I betrayed you Nikhil. The Almighty won’t forgive me for what happened between us the other night. I cheated the man who married me. That feeling of guilt will kill me every day, every single minute and second. I can’t forgive myself. But I want to tell you that my feelings for you were true. Please forgive me Nikhil. Will you?” I broke into tears when I read it. How could she think of leaving me all alone?
She was my world – a world full of happiness. And now the world was silent once again -the last time when she got married and this time when she left me.
Some people do enter your life and they completely change your life. Muskan was gone but when I reminisce my past, I cherish every single moment I spend with her. It’s been 2 years now and I still remember everything, every damn thing about my Muskan ,especially the smile.
‘Lakh duniya Kahe tum nahi ho , Tum yahi ho Tum yahi ho ,
Meri har soch mei, meri har baat mei,
Mere Ehsaas mei, mere Jaazbat mei,
Tum hi tum ho , Tum har kahi ho.
Tumne Chhoda hai kabh sath mera,
Thaame ho aaj bhi hath mera,
Koi manzil koi Rehguzar ho ,
Aaj bhi tum mere humsafar ho ,
Jaaun chahe jahaa tum wahi ho
Khushu banke hawaaon mei tum ho,
Rang banke fizaoon mei tum ho,
Koi gaaye koi saans goonje,
Sab sureeli sadaaon mei tum ho,
Tumko har roop mei dil hai pehchanta,
Log hai bekhabar par dil hai jaanta,
Ho o o lakh duniya kahe tum nahi ho
Lakh duniya Kahe tum nahi ho , Tum yahi ho Tum yahi ho‘
The Radio played the song which brought tears into my eyes.
—-The End!!
Images Taken from Google Images!!
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