Dear little sister,
Today would have marked your 31st birthday if you were still with us. Life took an unexpected and rapid turn, and our once joy-filled nest, built with love, now feels empty. Birds of the same feathers flock together, and we were of the same feathers. Despite life’s differences, maturity lies in recognizing that beneath it all, we all have hearts, and our hearts understand it all.
The depths of my despair have never been so profound. Nowhere seems suitable to vent my frustrations. When you were unwell, I took solace in having you. I protected you as a little baby, shielding you from those who sought to take you away. Such was the depth of my love for you, dear little sister. Your absence has left a significant void in my life. People may come and go, but even those who come often fail to understand me.
I miss you immensely. Words cannot capture the pain lingering in my heart. I recall our early days when you were three and I was eight. Like any child, you had a sweet tooth. I remember the popsicles Amma used to get for 50 paise. We each had one, and when I finished mine, I took yours, resulting in you sinking your tiny, sharp baby teeth into my arm. Amma had to take me to the doctor, and I still bear the scar on my arm. Other scars from our sibling fights remain on my body, but they’re a testament to the love we shared.
Your terminal illness shattered our once beautiful family. God had different plans for you, perhaps leading to the infliction of an incurable disease. When I learned of your diagnosis, I cried at my office cubicle, having read about that deadly disease online. I couldn’t have fathomed losing you so young. Why? Why us? Many questions plagued my mind. It took time for me to understand that it was part of a greater plan. You were taken by our heavenly father who loves you more than we, your earthly family, ever could. As I write, I am confident you’re in heaven, free from the negativity on Earth.
Why did you decide to leave us that night? Why did this disease take you? I don’t know. No one does. Why couldn’t you say a proper goodbye? Life changed when you left us, and I still struggle to comprehend why we incurred God’s animosity. You are my guardian angel, guiding me. I know you saved me from a stroke in 2021 by talking to God.
Dear Universe, give me a sign that my sister is happy in her new reality! My heart is cold, tired of living with fake tears. Nevertheless, I got a pineapple pastry for you on your birthday. Life would have been different with you around.
If you were here today, you might be married, happy, with your own family. We would have visited you for festivals. Tears well up as I type this. Mom and Dad still grieve, unable to accept your absence. It hurts, pinching me to the core.
In a parallel universe, I’d pray we’re living together as a complete family—with you, your husband, and children, and me, my wife, and children, along with our parents. I would find happiness in that alternate reality. I wish this were a reality, but I’m still seeking happiness, uncertain when I’ll find it.
I hide skeletons in my closet, memories of the good old days. It’s a good thing, allowing me to playback those cherished moments. Yet, I can’t stay stuck in the past. If only there were a time machine, if I had the power to manipulate time and travel through different timelines, I would have saved you. I love you, Anu. The temporary separation when you went to our hometown at age 10 was agonizing. Now, this separation is for a lifetime. How can I accept it? You remain in my heart. No one can take you away. One day, we will reunite in heaven and live happily. Until then, stay happy and blessed.
I miss you, dear.
Enjoy this cake I got for your birthday.