First , Read “From the Diary of a 16 year old!” before reading this post.
I remember I wrote a letter to you in 2011 addressing my sorry state. It was a horrendous experience and feelings that bring tears into my eyes. I was 16 then and Doctors seldom knew anything about this rarely found disease for it also had a poor prognosis. But you made me never lose my faith in you. I had turned bland at my own sufferings. You are the supreme power that binds everyone and your sole job is to keep your children happy. Several times, I used to be angry because you gave no heed to my prayers.I’m 21 now and life is horrendous even now. I have grown stronger and stronger day by day. I am not confined to a wheelchair now and my limbs have grown stronger. I no longer hear the babel of voices behind me. But I was used to all this. Life has veered out drastically in the last 5 years.
I no longer feel bad looking at those who studied with me. Some of them are doing their Engineering, while some have excelled in different fields. I am happy with myself because I’m doing what I am good at. Creativity is something that gives me happiness. It instils a ray of hope in me. Life is harsh but now I realise that it is not that harsh like I had expected it. Everyone has an untold story that no one wants to share or narrate to anyone. That story is the secret that beholds them. My parents tell me that you write a story in everyone’s life and that story is how your life shapes up eventually. So I got to be happy with whatever you have given me. Sometimes melancholia haunts me and grips me terribly but I learned that it would be more miserable to curse my own plight.
The United States and the European Union are spending too much money on the research for the Pomple Disease and I am sure someday the cure will be available for this. I still see myself as a once whimsical kid put to test. But I feel I have been successfully passing all those tests. I still hate it when I see a large ensemble of people bewailing at my sorrowful condition. But I’m special. I’ve grown more hopeful for I have started to live the normal life. My hope for existence once seemed fizzled but I am happy I don’t feel such. My Cervix still hurts me but I don’t care at all. I have learned to live with the pain.I have a wonderful doctor whom I think to be your best angel whom you have sent to advise and help me. I no longer feel jinxed. But I still ask you the same question that you asked me 5 years back – Will you efface all my sorrows and get me back to normal like how I used to be 10 years back? I remember writing a poem expressing my state of mind.
“I jostled against the tide of time,
nothing is left in the journey of life.
things were thought differently,
never meant to go in such hurry.
I bleed to death with the appalling pain,
fighting to the last for what I have not gained.
Is this what is stored in my destiny,
half way through my life’s journey.
expected so many avenues on the way,
but ended up like a seamless castaway”
I am glad I no longer feel the same. Even now I’m longing for the day when I will smile without any fear. I am quite hopeful that that day isn’t far. You are my only hope, You are my messiah, You are my Supreme Power, You are my everything. I am happy to have an amazing family who has always stood by my side during my difficult times. These words are not random ramblings but my current state of mind. This disease has prevented me but it won’t defeat me from doing what I dreamt of! My mother always used to say that When God closes all door from my life, he keeps an invisible door for you that he would reveal at some point in time. I am still in pursuit of that insivible door. I am quite sure you will resolve all the problems in my life. I have surrendered myself to you. I will always obey your words and despite all the sufferings, I trust you. I have never given up on you. I promise I have never been bad to my family. Bree has grown up to be a beautiful girl and is brimming with mighty confidence day by day. Lots of Hugs, Love and Kisses to you, O dear God!
‘This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.’
PS – I planned to write this post many years back but I had completely forgotten about this. This holds a special place in my heart. I am glad that I was able to finish this unfinished story that has been sleeping in my drafts for ages 🙂
Did you like this post? Get The Solitary Writers updates via Facebook or Twitter, better yet, subscribe to it via RSS Feed. It’s easy, and free! Comments are just another way to let me know how you feel.Don’t forget to comment.